Blood Tide (1982)

In the hindsight of DVD release-dom, James Earl Jones receives top-billing in this cast of C-grade stars, but as for the movie itself, he’s relegated to supporting status to Martin “Cobra Kai” Kove of Karate Kid fame and Lydia “Too Close for Comfort” Cornell. Why do Darth Vader like that?

Jones plays a Shakespeare-spewing, shallow ass of a treasure hunter who verbally abuses and intimidates his young, ditzy, white trophy girlfriend (Cornell). He ends up on an island where they sacrifice virgins to a sea monster who appears on screen for all of 20 seconds. Kove comes to the island looking for his sister, who happens to be a virgin. Oops. Jones eventually helps Kove save his sister from being sacrificed, only to sacrifice himself in classic black co-star fashion as he blows up the monster (I believe his last words are “Get out!”, although he has plenty of time to escape with the “heroes.”). How noble. The lesson: Don’t date white women.

“You gotta get yourself one of these.”
“Hi, have you ever considered the wonders of a perm?”
“Don’t worry about me; I have a snorkel!”
“…God, why can’t she just take her clothes off again?…”

What do you think?