Breeders (1986)

This cheesy ’80s monster movie stands out for two reasons: 1) It’s directed by Tim Kincaid, who helmed the famously awful Robot Holocaust, which was parodied on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (He’s since gone on to direct gay porn. Look it up.), and 2) It one of the rare horror films of the decade to feature a black female lead. For the purposes of this site, I’ll focus on the latter.

Theresa Farley stars as Dr. Gamble Pace, who notices a rash of rape victims coming into her hospital. Turns out an alien life form is using human virgins to reproduce. Looking at the cheap, bug-eyed extraterrestrial, it’s clear that dinner and a movie won’t cut it. It’s all very tasteless stuff and is really an excuse to have a bunch of women in ’80s hair run around naked. I can see why they’d be naked after the assaults, but for some reason, they’re usually nude even beforehand; one even does an extended sans-clothes workout.

Even more bewildering is why the victims end up in an alien jacuzzi full of a white creamy substance (I don’t wanna know.) and why my DVD player isn’t equipped with faster forward. Anyway, in the horror code of moralism, heroine Farley is the only woman not to get naked, so we’re forced to focus on her — ick — dialogue. She’s a pretty bad actress. Or, more accurately, she’s a pretty, bad actress. And this is an ugly, bad movie — although I suppose it’s head and shoulders above Robot Holocaust.

“Hello, Mona’s Salon? My hair is starting to deflate.”
Is it OK to laugh now?
Always stretch before fluffing.
Herpes: part of this nutritious breakfast.

What do you think?