Cryptz (2002)

Essentially an “urban” version of From Dusk Till Dawn or Vamp, Cryptz revolves around a strip club run by female vampires. As is the norm with Full Moon/Big City Pictures urban horror pics, our heroes are (yawn) wannabe rappers, but thankfully we don’t have to suffer through any performances (unlike Ragdoll or The Horrible Doctor Bones). Instead, the story is pretty simple: boy meets girl, boy and his boys go to strip club to see girl, girl turns into vampire and tries to eat boys, boys’ kung fu-fightin’ friend comes to the rescue.

The acting is solid, particularly from the lead threesome of Tymez Skwair (the only slightly less ridiculously named Choice Skinner), Fuzzy Down (Rick Irvin), and Likrish (Dennis Waller), who provide some comedy with their banter, coupled with an ability to scream like little girls. To boot, the writing is actually fairly sharp for a film of this ilk, and kung fu superhero Truck (Andre McCoy) adds a unique twist. Plus, you get to see boobies. While it’s no classic, Cryptz is probably the best of the Big City urban horror flicks.

That’s just unsanitary.
The last thing you remember before waking up toothless in an alley behind Denny’s.
“Do you accept Jesus Christ as your savior?”
Herb dispenses with Peaches #3.

What do you think?