Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

An otherwise inoffensive, pretty mess of a film that doesn’t diminish either the Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, Freddy vs. Jason is notable in a racial context for the character Kia, played by Destiny’s other child, Kelly Rowland. She’s a textbook example of a C.B.W.: a Cinematic Black Woman. Granted, she doesn’t crane her neck and wag her finger as she bellows, “Oh no you di’n’t ,” but she’s got attitude to spare. In fact, she’s got the three “A”s: attitude, asexuality and always trying to help the heroine.

  • ATTITUDE: While the utterly vacuous white heroine, Lori, is nice to all manner of flora and fauna, Kia cold-heartedly disses the resident geek who tries to get with Lori. He later gets his revenge by telling her off about being an ugly person inside. Oh snap!
  • ASEXUALITY: Although Kelly Rowland is fine as hell, you wouldn’t know it by the way she’s treated here. While Gibb (Katharine Isabelle) has a shower scene (albeit with an obvious body double) and Lori’s breasts seem to be in 3-D throughout the film, Kia may as well be a boy. She gets no love interest, no sexy clothing; she even complains about how un-pretty she is. Oh double-snap!
  • ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP THE HEROINE: Kia fends off Lori’s would-be suitors like they have herpes or something. Or more like she wants her for herself. She cares for Lori’s well-being so much that she “heroically” (i.e., fuckin’ stupidly) sacrifices herself to Freddy at the end in order to save Lori’s life (Never mind that Lori already had her boyfriend to defend her.). “Freddy!” she yells as the killer approaches Lori and Will. Freddy turns and goes after her, since she’s obviously not meant to live. “How sweet,” he exclaims, “Dark meat.” Oh triple-snap!
“Help me, Beyonce!”
“Heaving bosoms, don’t fail me now…”
“I like pudding.”
Tom never practiced safe sex.

What do you think?