Memorial Valley Massacre (AKA Valley of Death) (1988)

This tame, forgettable slasher stands out for having not one, not two, but THREE black characters! With speaking parts! And names! Nipsey Russell would’ve been so proud. The roles are generic horror movie shells: a biker dude named…Morie? (Charles Douglass), his biker chick named Sara (Livingston Holmes) and an old groundskeeper named Deke (Jimmy Justice) who has that typical, dismissible old-timer suspicion that something’s rotten in Denmark.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Memorial Valley isn’t in Denmark, so they’re all caught unawares when the killing starts. Three black people up, three black people down — which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing if the killer didn’t look so much like Cha-Ka from Land of the Lost. He could probably be dispatched with a shiny bauble and a kick to his malleable cranium, but somehow he manages to do away with nearly a dozen campers. This just goes to prove what I’ve long held to be true: people in the ’80s were stupid.

Few knew of Jim J. Bullock ‘s gang affiliation.
“When Cha-Ka alone in cave, me like to contemplate man’s inhumanity to man.”
Over the years, Rin-Tin-Tin had made some enemies.
“Really, Jerome, we don’t need to know about your diarrhea.”
Larry’s heil needed work.
“The first thing we need to do is find that storage shed.”

What do you think?