Black Voodoo Exorcist (AKA Vudu Sangriento) (1973)

Although the American title of this dirt-cheap Spanish production tried to piggyback on the success of both The Exorcist and Blaxploitation films, Black Voodoo Exorcist is actually a Mummy rip-off that contains no exorcisms and frankly very few black people. The movie begins back in the olden days with black* Nigerian native Gato Nebo (the very Spanish Aldo Sambrell, apparently covered in Hershey’s milk chocolate) romancing the equally black* Kenya. Trouble is, she’s married to a black* bigwig in the tribe, who challenges him to a duel and promptly ends up with a sword in the chest. The tribe doesn’t take too kindly to this; they chop off Kenya’s papier-mache head and lock Gato Nebo (which I assume translates to “nebbish cat”) in a coffin.

Fast forward 1,000 years to the 1970s, when said coffin is unearthed, and guess who’s back in the hizzy? Who’s the black* private stiff that’s a sex machine to all the chicks? Black Voodoo Exorcist! Can ya dig it? Conveniently enough, all of the people who wronged Gato Nebo in the past have been reincarnated as people on the ship on which his coffin is sailing (Can you say awkward?), so he has ample opportunity to exact his revenge. This doesn’t explain, however, why everyone — including Gato himself — is suddenly white.

It goes without saying that this movie is bad, but it’s the worst type of bad: bland bad. It can’t even be bad in an interesting way; certainly nothing as campy as the cover art for the ’80s video release. I don’t think I can ruin such an atrocious movie by telling you that at the end, the good guys set fire to Gato…while he’s still holding the reincarnated Kenya. Oops, our bad! The end.

*Black people not guaranteed to be black. Please consult a physician before attempting to switch races.

“Hello, I am black…Yo.”
“When I say the word ‘pate’, you will quack like a duck.”
“Did you fart?”
“Not my ears! I need those for hearing!”
Michael Jackson’s fans finally found his original head.
Why oh why doesn’t the cameraman help this poor woman?


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