Do You Wanna Know a Secret (2001)

The answer to the titular question is most certainly “no,” but while Do You Wanna Know a Secret is an utterly pitiful and derivative slasher whose main draw is Joey Lawrence going through some sort of Jean-Claude Van Damme phase, it actually has some interesting racial overtones. The story finds a group of college kids on vacation in Florida, when a serious case of death breaks out.

The token black guy, Oz (Tom Jay Jones, smartly keeping his middle name) is arrested for the murders by a Southern sheriff caricature straight out of In the Heat of the Night. As he drags Oz away, calling him “boy,” ever-valiant Lawrence exclaims, “What’s next, a public hanging?” After Oz’s lawyer gets him out of jail, he goes after the killer and not only doesn’t die, but he almost catches the bad guy single-handedly! Almost. And our metrosexual “hero” Lawrence doesn’t end up getting to save the day; he doesn’t even get the girl. All he gets in the end is his head chopped off. (Sadly, we don’t get to delight in seeing it happen.)

“Don’t you dare say a bad word about Mayim Bialik.”
Even psychos should enjoy their job.
“Really, my mouth isn’t that pretty…”
The best 3 seconds of the movie.


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