Now Eat: The Movie (2000)

Not to be confused with Now Eat the self-help guide, or Now Eat the college dissertation, Now Eat: The Movie is a showcase for Sacramento rapper (yes, Sacramento rapper) Brotha Lynch Hung, who gained fame in the ’90s for his gangsta rap laced with graphic tales of cannibalism and murder — a short-lived hip-hop trend dubbed “horrorcore.” I suppose an attempt at a horror movie was inevitable, especially considering he’d produced songs for Masta P, himself a no-budget, straight-to-video filmmaker.

Basically, the movie is one big excuse to promote himself and, yes, Now Eat: The Album. Brotha Lynch Hung plays…Brotha Lynch Hung, a thieving, murdering thug who’s lovable because…um, he raps? We’re supposed to root for him and against the “voodoo witch” who curses him just because she wants to end his string of violent home invasions. The nerve of her!

The curse, incidentally, is that he must eat whatever (and whomever) he kills, a bummer of a curse if you’re trying to watch your fat intake. It’s hard to buy Lynch and his cronies as dangerous gangstas; when he threatens one guy, “I’ll cut your fuckin’ spleen out and eat that motherfucker,” he says it with such half-assed, lackadaisical “coolness” that you don’t buy that he’d be willing to drag himself away from the St. Ides and weed long enough to take a piss, much less kill somebody.

The acting is likewise poor and unbelievable, with lame attempts at humor revolving around crude racial and homosexual stereotypes. Brotha Lynch Hung only displays charisma in the blooper reel, resembling (at best) a cross between Dave Chappelle, Flavor Flav and some sort of Crip. The story idea is actually an intriguing one that’s open to interesting possibilities, both as a horror movie and a morality tale, but it isn’t developed at all and ends up being irredeemable, amoral and pointless…and for a horror fan to say that speaks volumes about this film.

The fellas looked at each other knowingly: it was circle jerk time.
Oh God, please let her channel a good actress…
A homie.
“Aren’t we supposed to, like, trade information or something?”
“You made me turn my gun sideways…”
Now Eat: The Car Ride
“What would Jesus do…?”


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