Rappers “Slash” Actors Appearing in Horror Movies

Horror Resume: Ghosts of Mars, Anaconda
Typical Role: Lovably humorless co-star
Typical Fate: Survival
As an Actor: Top-notch scowler
As a Rapper: One too many Are We There Yets irreparably damaged street cred.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Christopher Walken after his fourteenth Saturday Night Live gig.
Rap or Act?: Act

Horror Resume: Leprechaun in the Hood, Guardian, Hood Rat, Urban Menace
Typical Role: Hood with pimp-like tendencies
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: Limited range hindered by the inability to stop pimping.
As a Rapper: Original gangsta
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Michael Madsen
Rap or Act?: If it means more album covers like this, rap on!

Horror Resume: Halloween H20, Deep Blue Sea, Mindhunters
Typical Role: Buff sidekick
Typical Fate: Rumored to be contractually obligated to survive.
As an Actor: Enunciates well.
As a Rapper: Wears a hat.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Antonio Sabato, Jr.
Rap or Act?: Act. It involves much less lip licking.

Horror Resume: Dracula 3000, The Convent, Pterodactyl, Red Water, Leprechaun in the Hood, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th
Typical Role: Buffoonish criminal or wildly out-of-character uniformed official
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: Has funny hair.
As a Rapper: Good. In 1991.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Doug E. Doug
Rap or Act?: Acting is the lesser of two evils.

Horror Resume: Bones, Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror, Urban Menace
Typical Role: Menacing anti-hero/likable villain
Typical Fate: Heroic death/sedated life
As an Actor: Cue cards would be less wooden.
As a Rapper: Would light up cue cards and smoke ’em.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Jason Mewes
Rap or Act?: Stay in the studio.

Horror Resume: Bone Collector, Sphere
Typical Role: Chubby fodder
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: Likeable around-the-way girl
As a Rapper: Will put a boot in your ass, Afro-centrically.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Hattie McDaniel
Rap or Act?: Oscar or Source Award? Hmmm…

Horror Resume: I Am Legend
Typical Role: Hero, godlike mega-star
Typical Fate: Uber-survival
As an Actor: Is loved by white people.
As a Rapper: Gave white people permission to use the word “jiggy”.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Keanu Reeves with clarity
Rap or Act?: Act. But no more soundtracks.

Horror Resume: Halloween: Resurrection
Typical Role: Unlikely hero
Typical Fate: Surprisingly, survival
As an Actor: Sounds like the Cowardly Lion.
As a Rapper: Yells a lot. Probably needs Ritalin.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman
Rap or Act?: Woo-ha! Put that acting in check.

Horror Resume: Seed of Chucky
Typical Role: Himself
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: He’s, well, Redman.
As a Rapper: Gleefully grimy
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Cheech Marin
Rap or Act?: Rap like the wind.

Horror Resume: Venom
Typical Role: See Redman.
Typical Fate: See Redman.
As an Actor: Didn’t I tell you to see Redman?
As a Rapper: Is Wu-Tangy.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Tommy Chong
Rap or Act?: Rap. Or didn’t you watch his TV show?

Horror Resume: Feast, El Chupacabra
Typical Role: Something above his acting ability
Typical Fate: Brutal death
As an Actor: Excels in non-speaking roles.
As a Rapper: Likes to throw his hands in the air and wave them like he just don’t care.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Mark Wahlberg with some semblance of musical ability.
Rap or Act?: Rap. Please.

Horror Resume: 13 Ghosts, Da Hip-Hop Witch
Typical Role: Comically sassy servant
Typical Fate: Survival
As an Actor: Sexy until she opens her mouth
As a Rapper: More scary than 13 Ghosts
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Marla Gibbs
Rap or Act?: Act , but pick better movies.

Horror Resume: Island of the Dead
Typical Role: Collateral damage
Typical Fate: Sympathetic death
As an Actor: A down-to-earth everyman
As a Rapper: Surprisingly adept for a def person
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Giovanni Ribisi
Rap or Act?: The only one who should do both.

Horror Resume: They Crawl
Typical Role: Non-threatening rascal
Typical Fate: Polite death
As an Actor: High-end straight-to-video
As a Rapper: Low-end straight-to-audio
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Gary Busey on meds
Rap or Act?: Does he even have any rapping options?

Horror Resume: Cutthroat Alley, Halloween House Party
Typical Role: Big-headed gangsta
Typical Fate: Cap peeled
As an Actor: OK, but is he acting?
As a Rapper: Feeds off Ice Cube’s scraps.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: An extra on “Oz”
Rap or Act?: Rap. And try not to kill anyone.

Horror Resume: Furnace, Da Hip Hop Witch, Scary Movie 3
Typical Role: Anything with a paycheck
Typical Fate: Survival
As an Actor: Is less intimidating than the role calls for.
As a Rapper: Is short.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Carrot Top
Rap or Act?: Um…rap?

Horror Resume: House of the Dead 2, Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood, Reality Kills, Blade: The Series
Typical Role: Varies, but always cockeyed
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: Is less sticky than you’d think.
As a Rapper: If you rap in a studio and no one hears, do you make a sound?
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Forrest Whitaker on Slim Fast with mild dementia
Rap or Act?: Act

Horror Resume: Vegas Vampires, The Addiction
Typical Role: 30-something urban “teen”
Typical Fate: Death
As an Actor: Good at playing half his age
As a Rapper: Not good at rapping half his age
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Brian Austin Green
Rap or Act?: Act your age.

Horror Resume: The Evil One
Typical Role: Well-intentioned bama
Typical Fate: Survival
As an Actor: Requires subtitles.
As a Rapper: Resembles Goofy by way of Bootsy Collins.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Brad Garrett
Rap or Act?: No one has to understand you when you rap.

Horror Resume: Vegas Vampires
Typical Role: Petty thug
Typical Fate: Too petty to even kill
As an Actor: Good at petty thug-ism
As a Rapper: Thuggish…in a petty way
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Antonio Fargas
Rap or Act?: Does it matter?

Horror Resume: Dream Home
Typical Role: Latently homosexual confidant
Typical Fate: Sadly, survival
As an Actor: Chews the scenery…and the craft services table.
As a Rapper: Seems to have “mama drama” of some sort.
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Rosie O’Donnell
Rap or Act?: Considering I’ve never heard her rap…she should stick to rapping.

Horror Resume: Don’t Be Scared, Little Dead Rotting Hood
Typical Role: Anything that puts them in the best possible light
Typical Fate: Survival, so that others might bask in their glory
As an Actor: Great! Just ask them!
As a Rapper: Ditto!
Comparable “Actor Actor”: Willie Tyler & Lester
Rap or Act?: Just go away.