Guardian (2000)

Although Guardian is more of a supernatural thriller (and really, what movie starring Mario Van Peebles isn’t a thriller?) than a horror movie, you could make a valid claim that Van Peebles’s hair is pretty damn scary. (Black men should not have bangs.)

It shouldn’t be confused with the ’90s supernatural nanny film The Guardian, although in both films, an otherworldly being pursues a “chosen” child. In this case, the being is Tel-Al, a body-snatching Sumarian demon seeking to kill a child who is prophesied to become a prophet who will prophesy about other prophetic stuff and unite the world, or some garbage like that. In what feels like a modern-day Shirley Temple/Bill “Bojangles” Robinson pairing, John Kross (Van Peebles) of course has to protect the little white boy from harm (tap dancing optional).

Helping our hero is a leather trench coat-clad female spirit named Selene who is a sad Matrix clone, wire-fu and all, along with cerebral black doctor-type Jacob (Michael Chinyamurindi) — both of whom are more than willing to die for that stinkin’ kid. The ever-available Ice-T has a small and pointless role, along with fellow West Coast rapper WC (West-side!), but not even a resurrected Eazy-E could make Guardian worthwhile.

“Man, I love porn.”
Somehow I imagined the prophet being less of a tool.
The Matrix Reflective
“Do these gats go with this shirt?”


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